For a very long time I have longed to find the spark / happiness I felt within me while I was growing up. 

Despite the fact that my loved ones continued to show me love and tried to make me happy in their own way , the vacuum has always been there waiting to be filled up. 

And don’t get me wrong , I sincerely appreciate them. 

This of one of the toughest things I’ve had to deal with because no matter how much I fought it off the worse it got. 

Then it dawned on me that I needed to know the root of  what I was feeling. I did some introspection and observed myself more closely this time. 

I paid so much attention to the energy I was giving off and what exactly triggered it especially because my emotions were quite high at this point and tempers had risen. Pushing people away was as normal as breathing and I didn’t seem to care a bit. 

I realized after a while that I was growing bitter by the day, I was so angry with a number of events that had taken place in my life and I just knew I had to control all of the things I was feeling. 

And decided to take it one step at a time, after reading and taking advice from people I spoke to I took a few steps and would like to share with you; 

* I Found Peace Within 

The journey to finding peace has been an exciting one , and all though I am still on the journey I am very hopeful that there’s a lot of light at the end of  this tunnel for me. 

What I did in the beginning was to forgive myself for things that I blamed me for, the mistakes I had made and to understand that I was human and it’s okay to embrace my imperfections just like I embrace my positives.  

I made a conscious effort to keep this in mind and to try to make the best out of the situations I find myself in. Like I said I am not fully there yet but it has been worth it so far. My heart and mind are at rest and I am able to make better decisions recently.

* Self -Love 

I have come to realize that one way to keep a radiant smile and be happy within you is embracing your being and appreciating you for you. 

We were created in the image of God and only he knows why he created us the way we are the least we can do is to be thankful and appreciative of the gift of life God has given you.  

For so many years I have battled with a lot of insecurities and I just admit it takes a lot to embrace yourself. 

It took me about 15years to start loving myself and just like finding peace I am still embracing my insecurities one step at a time.

* Gratitude 

The past months have not been so rosy I must admit. I have had to deal with quite a lot which has weighed me down and got me depressed at some point. I thought all my years were wasted and I had nothing good to hold onto. 

I failed to recognize the little I had achieved over the years and it was really funny when my friends call and notice my mood and then they start to point out achievements of mine they are proud of. They tell me how proud they are of me and how they think I have done well for myself. It all seemed funny and I was wondering what exactly they were proud of. 

Then one day I took a few steps back and reflected on the things my friends kept pointing out to me and then I realized I was pretty much ungrateful and it dawned on me that there’s actually a lot to be thankful of , at least the fact that God gives me life each passing day and an opportunity to get back on track in my life . 

* I Became More Kind

Being bitter and feeling angry has the tendency of making you mean to people and probably come across as cruel or unfriendly. This is definitely not good for anyone’s image or reputation. 

It really pays to be nice. One thing I am grateful for is the fact that I have come to realize being nice and kind to people brings me some amount of joy and peace. which is very important to me at this point in my life. 

I decided to avoid making my personal problems result in my being mean , and so in as much as I am going through a moment I would rather say less or try as much as possible to be as kind to whoever is communicating with me at that point.

And guess what, this has greatly contributed to my gaining of peace in the last few months, and I am gradually on my way to being one of the most happiest and bubbly girls you’ll ever meet.* wink 

* I Began a Fitness Journey 

All through the times I was at my lowest I disliked myself more for one thing and people did not make it easier for me by rubbing it in my face and making a conscious effort to pass a comment or want to have a discussion about it. 

I lived a sedentary lifestyle and I was hardly active and obviously I had put on some weight. 

I was aware of this and the last thing I wanted was to hear people tell it to my face. It came across as offensive sometimes depending on who was saying it and how it was being said. 

I tried hard to keep calm about my responses and all I said when it was pointed out to me was ,“ thanks for letting me know, I’ll work on it”. 

I had always wanted to intentionally create a routine for myself  that will keep me active. this has been a dream for years I just was to afraid that I couldn’t do anything at the gym.

So I finally gathered all the courage I could and got registered at a nearby gym and also worked on my diet plan. 

My first days of exercising were such amazing moments , I felt renewed and it also made me believe that the only person capable of limiting you is you. I can’t wait to give you all the details on my fitness journey soon.

Getting back the spark in my life has not been the easiest thing to do ,I won’t lie it is really a tough thing to do. 

These are just a few but major things I did to regain my spark, I’ll definitely share more in subsequent articles.

I felt the need to share this with you because I needed to hear this myself while I was going through it and I want to assure you that just in case you are going through the same thing or similar God has got your back like never before and it is just a phase and it’ll definitely pass and you’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Have had any such experiences ? How did you get over it ? 

I’ll love to hear from you too. 

Xoxo,

Kalira.